I’m Calling this “Studying for the GREs”

(PREFACE: I’m applying to a lot of jobs at this moment and grad school, so I momentarily thought about taking this down. But then, where would I go to just word vomit all over? The writing is never my best and should not be thought of as my portfolio. While I’m a hard news girl at my core, I like to come here to throw out whatever feels pressing in my mind thoughtz. Yeah, I thought I’d update this blog more, but…well, no. For a daily dose, follow me @lilyalta.)

A few months ago, in an e-mail to a friend, I wrote that I felt like my disease was “robbing me of my youth.” While my friends were on rooftops barbecuing, playing beer pong, and falling in and out of love, I was microwaving flavorless chicken patties, playing Boggle with my Mom and Stepdad, and going in and out of doctor’s offices.  Being 21 years old and too tired to stay up until 10 P.M. is a scary and depressing reality.

I’ve written a lot about my Crohn’s disease lately, and was actually told by a commenter in a piece that it’s time to Shake it Out, and I’m almost done talking about all of this. Really. I swear. Are you sick of

Does anyone really need pancakes at 4 a.m.?

my digestive issues yet? What’s that? My stomach just gurgled “YESS” (it does this often, like in yoga last Saturday when I distinctly heard, “DIIDD YOU REALLLYY NNNEED PANNNNNNCAKES LAST NIGHHTT?”)

I spend so much time worrying about my future, if I’ll find a job after graduation, if I’ll do okay on the GREs….Do I want to take a chance and pursue comedy? Write about education? Go corporate and do digital strategy? I’m an anxious person. I have a tendency to dwell on things that I can’t control, to speculate negatively and positively on how my life will play out in days, months, years and decades. Last night, I read my palm, looking for answers in the creases and wrinkles in my fingers, and I only found that, as suspected, I’m a resilient and upbeat person. Gee, thanks, I was hoping for something more concrete like, “you will get hired at [AWESOME NEWS PLACE]” or “Tina Fey will be your new best friend.”

Being back in school is scary and redemptive at the same time. I came back with a lot of lofty goals, and I won’t pretend that I’ve stuck to every single one. Waking up at 8 a.m. everyday? Yeah, that went out the window after I remembered what college is like. But I have applied for paid summer opportunities, like I said I would. I’m figuring out where I want to be in a year from now and trying to fret less about the worst case scenario. And, even in mid-terms, in studying for Grad school, my internship at She’s the First, (START A BAKE SALE) and begging newspapers to hire me after graduation, I’m trying to be 21 again.

/mindthoughtz

Anyways, I guess I’m just saying, go out and VOTE.

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